Mythbusters: How To Make Your Period Come Faster
When I was in college, I had a boyfriend who lived in Ireland. I saw him four times a year, usually for less than a week at a time, but almost always on my period. Why, God, why?
I was on the pill at the time and experimented with skipping the sugar pills to avoid my period altogether, but after two months of period-free life, I began spotting almost every day. I thought about trudging on with my desperate experimentation, but, as they say in the U.K., “it ain’t worth it, love.” So my period packed her travel bag, took the window seat (bitch!), and joined me on my trips abroad.
I’m sure you started reading this article to find out how you could be spared a similar fate. Or maybe you think you’re better, nay, stronger than me, and can coax your body to bend to your will. You think, “there’s GOT to be a way, I am STRONGER, than this article writer, I can definitely find a way to delay my period.” And maybe you can! But you probably can’t. Regardless, I’ve compiled a list of methods that you can try.
Hormonal Birth Control
Ok, yes, this one is probably your best bet. If you aren’t on birth control and skipping your period is very important to you, the pill will give you the most control. The combined pill (estrogen and progesterone) is the most effective for controlling menstrual cycles. When you take birth control, you take a hormonal pill for 21 days and then a placebo pill for the next seven, triggering your period. The hormonal pills work by convincing your body that it’s pregnant (by way of estrogen and progesterone levels), thus preventing further ovulation. When you skip the placebo pill and go straight into the next set of hormonal pills, your body skips the period altogether.
Medically, this is fine for your body. Many people like to have their period as a reassurance that they’re not pregnant after unprotected sex, but skipping your period does not negatively affect the body. However, people who frequently skip their periods via this method are more likely to experience irregular spotting (as I did).
The pill is really the only tried and true way to control your period, but if you don’t want to commit to birth control, there are some traditional methods you can, such as:
Bleh, next! Just kidding. They say exercise loosens your muscles and makes your period come faster. Although, your muscles constricting aren’t what’s keeping the blood inside you. But if you need another reason to get in shape, sure, let’s go with this!
I can’t tell if this would be comforting or stressful. Every time I breathe a sigh of relief in a hot bath, am I going to paint the walls red?
But actually, it’s based on the idea that high-stress levels can cause menstrual irregularities, which conversely would mean that relaxation regulates your cycle—again, not confirmed as an actual method for making your period come sooner. Moving on!
Fine, twist my arm. I’ll try it! But only in the name of scientific research. They say the combination of uterine contractions and hormones released during sex could be the secret sauce for dilating the cervix and triggering uterine wall shedding, and who am I to tell them no?
Pineapples contain bromelain, an enzyme that is rumored to affect estrogen levels, which hypothetically could induce a period. However, research says it only counts if it’s in a piña colada.
Vitamin C is a method spouted in almost every article about inducing a period. It’s thought that Vitamin C can elevate your estrogen levels and lower progesterone levels, which causes uterine contraction and the wall lining to break down, but again, not really!
So, do you hate me yet? Have I crushed all of your period-inducing dreams? I’d really love for us to be friends, and as your friend, I could never lie to you. It’s an unfortunate truth that there are very few proven ways to make your period come faster, as it doesn’t bend to the whim of upcoming camping trips or plans to wear white pants. The best you can do is track your menstrual cycles (with your Orchyd app!) and always be prepared with the necessary menstrual products (with your Orchyd Smart Wallet!) so that your period is given the proper seat at the table at any of your plans.